& I SAY THE SAME SHIT,

every single time.
Can't do a vlog now, dad's home & asleep & i wouldn't wanna wake him up with all my raucous blabbering.
The past 2days have been a blast, & i wished it would last longer.
There isn't much time for me to be having fun right now,
considering school's starting on the 19th,
& my timetable seems pretty much fucked up to me.
I got into Petrochemical Processes, Pharmaceutical Processes & Environmental & Water Technology.
I feel like appealing out of Petrochemical Processes instead, after much consideration.
Reason being now that i've got it, i've lost total interest in it, & i've forgotten about the reason why i ever chose this module in the first place.
But i do know this module has got absolutely no calculations (or so i heard or i was told).
I feel like getting into Biologics or Special Chemicals, whatever the fuck that is.
But since people are telling me chances of appealing is probably very low,
fuck it then.
It's the people whom i'm gonna study with that matters anyway.

I'm feeling fucking frustrated with myself right now, & i don't exactly know whatever the fuck's wrong with me.
Thinking back, i don't even know what the hell i was doing, or why the hell i even acted that way.
Was it for the attention, or was it just out of plain boredom, curiosity, or for the hell of the fun?
A mixed of all probably.
I admit, i like the attention, but i don't crave it, i'm not some attention-seeking whore.

But even you have no clue either do you?

& i now somewhat understand why people turn to fags & shit:
'cos when you're bored or you feel fucked up inside, it's just something you do.
I'm not proud of the fact that i now do social smoking, or that i even hid the fact from my friends,
but i'm not addicted, so what's the big fuss about?
I know it's fucking hypocritical of me to be saying this since i've always been a fag-repelling bitch who hates the smell of those shit but honestly, the smell when you smoke & the smell where after people smoke & they blow it in your fucking faces is different.
Yes they're the same shit anyway, came out from the same source, out from the same flame but, just wait till you try. I'm not promoting or instigating anything, just saying.
& hey, i'm human.
I make mistakes & i tweaked a bit of the whole truth but don't be raining your crap on my parade just 'cos i did what i did & you guys couldn't comprehend whatever the fuck i did.
Everyone had a choice & it's not like i regretted it.
If i became a full-fledged addict then i would probably kick myself hard in the head, & i haven't strayed from the person i want to be aight'.

I need a puff right now.

But i ain't gonna smoke.